The Best Irish Movies: Part One

From sweeping epics like Micheal Collins to personal stories like My Left Foot. Irish cinema has always provided a rich and varied pool of stories. Storytelling has always been the flagship of Irish folklore and its trip to the silver screen has provided another medium for us to explore. Agree or disagree, let us know your best of the Irish movies. Enjoy  


The Wind That Shakes the Barley
The title was taken from the ballad The Wind that Shakes the Barley by 19th century poet Robert Dwyer Joyce about a young man who joins the 1798 rebellion after his true love is killed. The movie tells the fictional story of two County Cork brothers, Damien O’Donovan (Cillian Murphy) and Teddy O’Donovan (Pádraic Delaney), who join the Irish Republican Army to fight for Irish independence from the United Kingdom. Less epic in scale than Michael Collins, this instead focuses on the boots on the ground more personal story of the two brothers as their differing beliefs start to slowly tear them apart. Directed by Englishman Ken Loach, this adds an extra layer to the film as he doesn’t go down the usual route of simply making it a black and white, good guys vs bad guys movie with young men on both sides becoming nothing more than victims of war. It is a heart-breaking, powerful look at the “troubles” that brilliantly captures all its consequences intended or otherwise. But at its heart it is a personal story anchored by two brilliant performance by the two leads.

The Stag
Puzzlingly marketed as an Irish version of The Hangover, The Stag is instead a charming, genuinely touching and not to mention hilarious comedy drama. At her wits end with fiancée Fionan’s (Hugh O’Conor) obsessing over every detail of their upcoming nuptials Ruth (Amy Huberman), enlists the help of his best man Davin (Andrew Scott) to take the metro… politan Fionan away for a stag weekend. He is joined by gay couple Kevin and Kevin (Andrew Bennett and Michael Legge) and, against his best efforts, by Ruth’s boorish brother, known as The Machine (Moone Boy’s Peter McDonald). The cast are all excellent with Brian Gleeson’s change from the terrifying Hughie on Love/Hate to mild mannered U2 denier Simon being particularly impressive. The entire cast seem to be playing against type with Scott, best known for playing the menacing Moriarty in the TV series Sherlock, seen here as the walking embodiment of pure heartbreak, particularly during a memorable rendition of the Patrick Kavanagh classic Raglan Road. It’s a funny and touching film that I am sure will become a Irish mainstay for years to come.  

Micheal Collins
The 1996 movie about the establishment of the Irish Free State could have looked very different. Initially set to star fist Kevin Costner, who was replaced by Gabriel Byrne before finally Liam Neeson was cast as the Irish revolutionary. Matt Dillon and Adam Baldwin(Jayne from Firefly) auditioned for the role of Collins confidant Harry Boland. John Turturro turned down the role of Eamon de Valera, most bizarrely of all Tom Cruise was offered the ‘Jonathan Rhys-Meyers’ cameo of the Assassin. Instead we thankfully ended up with perhaps the finest Irish movie cast ever assembled. Historically questionable but for pure entertainment it delivers. The film is a mix of political drama and a gangster thriller with brilliant performances from its cast of both sides of the Atlantic(a woefully miscast Julia Roberts aside). Scenes of unflinching violence sit easily alongside scenes of warmth and humour with Neeson equally comfortable sending boys out to assassinate British officers as he is cheekily asking his pursuers “what did ye have for breakfast?”. Undoubtedly the most ambitious Irish film ever made, it is a master class in scale and scope with beautiful sets and a haunting score it remains endlessly watchable.  

War of the Buttons
The 1994 Irish drama adventure film is actually based on French novel La Guerre des boutons, by Louis Pergaud. The story, about two rival boys’ gangs in Ireland, the Ballys (middle class), and the Carricks (upper class), was almost never released after a lawsuit from the parents of some of the boys in the movie was filed. The grounds for which was that the boys naked buttocks could be seen in the film, it was eventually dismissed after a line-up of similar… assets proved that the boys could not be identified by their rear ends alone. The film could have easily been used as a platform to describe any number of Irish historical conflicts but thankfully the preachiness is nowhere to be found and the focus remains purely on the young charismatic cast. To this day the the film’s ending still causes debate and has been the source of many an argument. Which one did Marie marry?

The Commitments
The first adaptation of Roddy Doye’s marvellous “Barrytown trilogy” tells a story of working class Dubliners who form a soul band. The film was the blue touch paper that ignited the Irish movie scene. Launching the career of Colm Meaney it also had ripples through the music community as Glen Hansard of The Frames and later would star in the Oscar winning “Once” not to mention being the debut appearance of The Corrs. The soundtrack is still one of the greatest of all time with Andrew Strong – who was incredibly only 16 during filming – belting out motown hits like a seasoned pro. The film’s legacy continues to this day with the highly successful stage show still running productions all over the world. A sequel which would have reunited the band in New York City was often talked about but never came to fruition. This would be the high point of many of the cast’s C.V, with lead actor Robert Arkins who played Jimmy Rabbitte never appearing in another film. But to quote Joey the Lips “Sure we could have been famous and made albums and stuff, but that would have been predictable. This way it’s poetry.”  

The Snapper
The second story in Roddy Doyle’s “Barrytown Trilogy” The surname of the Rabbitte family in the book had to be changed to Curley as 20th Century Fox owns the rights to the Rabbitte name from The Commitments (1991), which featured the same characters. The story itself is beautifully simple, Sharon Curley gets pregnant and won’t tell anyone who the father is other than it’s a “Spanish sailor” and the family do their best to adapt to the incoming new addition. What sets this movie apart is the human highlight reel Dessie Curley played by Colm Meaney. Endlessly quotable, he peppers the film with a lifetime’s supply of memorable scenes from threating his neighbour with a set of garden sheers to casual brilliance. The film has seeped into Irish culture in a way perhaps no other film on this list has. Every girl in Ireland who got pregnant after 1993 has had some variation of “7 pounds 12 ounces” “Small turkey” or “Georgey f**king Burgess” said to her during her pregnancy. -

Roll The Credits: Why I Now Hate Going To The Cinema.

I’m mad as hell and I am not going to take it anymore..

It has finally happened, roughly 25 years after my first time, I have completely fallen out of love with going to the cinema. I don’t have the strength to lie anymore….it’s not me, it’s you.
There was a time when going to the cinema was one of the high-points of the week, now it’s just a place I pay a lot of money for the pleasure of being annoyed. The last straw occurred yesterday during a screening of Begin Again.

When we arrived there was already a group of three girls and two lads of about 17, in the back row of course, because that’s where all the cool kids sit. Their first action was to throw the lids from their ice cream over the row in front of them – using bins is for squares. The film hadn’t even begun and I was already filling up with a sense of dread. The film was about two people at low points of their life trying to find their passion for life again. I knew, just by looking at this group, this was not something that they would either enjoy or have the intelligence to follow silently. It was then I finally realised the type of people that had being going to see movies like Epic Movie and Grown-ups 2 all these years!

The film started and the talking of course continued, first to each other then inexplicably to the film itself. At the beginning of the film Keira Knightley is coaxed on stage to sing one of her songs, which does not go down well with the audience. The genius behind me took this as his chance and yelled “bet you are sorry you got up now” before cackling loudly to himself. This was then followed by a confused silence where he either expected the rest of the cinema to laugh at his improv stand up or he couldn’t understand why Keira Knightley had not turned to him and answered him directly. This knocked him off his stride for a few moments but luckily he had some willing accomplices in the screening to pick up the slack, just on the off chance I might have some uninterrupted moments of peace during the film.

First the obligatory late comers. If a film is scheduled to start at 4:20 that is not just a suggested time, it really means rock up at 4:45, you won’t have missed much. When the film had started I noticed that the seats beside me were free, this always worries me as I know that it means I will have to deal with a team of rhinos trying to negotiate themselves to their seats in the dark. This was when, right on cue, two unstoppable morons made their entrance, carrying no less than six bags between them just to ensure they made as much noise as possible.

They then attempted to work out the complicated seating arrangements “that’s row F, the next one is G, ours are in row B, so is that up or down?”. The alphabetized seating was causing so much trouble that at one point I could see the guy mouthing his A,B,Cs to himself before giving up and taking out his phone to use as a makeshift flash-light.

He eventually found his way to my row where he stood staring at me and then his ticket as if unsure why the people between him and his seats hadn’t magically disappeared and given him a clear path. thirty seconds after getting to their seats, Mrs Latecomer decides that now is the perfect time to review the items she bought today and to wonder aloud if she really likes that top (green vest thing, I personally think she won’t look well in it). Mr Latecomer, having finally reached his destination, suddenly decides he is hungry and after an in-depth discussion between the two of them he sets off to find sustenance.

Unfortunately, the knock on effect was to remind everyone else that they also had phones and that they had managed to go 20 minutes without checking. For the record, cupping your hand over the top of the phone does not make the light any dimmer when you are sat in a darkened room.
By now, any momentum the film had built had vanished and I was completely taken out of the movie and had instead taken to counting the number of people on their phones (16!). One woman who, in a show of bravado not seen since Lady Godiva entered the royal enclosure at Ascot naked claiming she had literally nothing to wear, took out her iPad which illuminated the screening with a light so blinding that I thought she was using it to turn away ships that may have ventured of course and somehow found themselves tearing up pavement heading towards Dundrum shopping centre.

In the meantime, the chimps in the row behind me had taken to not only adding their own commentary to the film “This is $hit, ha-ha that fat lad looks like you” (if you don’t like it, leave you inbred tools) but had now decided that they would take turns going to toilet two at a time.

The fact that they were sitting at the end of the row and had to disturb everyone in the row to get out on the 6(!!!) occasions they did didn’t deter them at all. This particular group must be incredibly close as each time one group left, the others would then call them on their phones after a few seconds to check what was going on. The woman in front of me then left to tell a member of staff about the disturbance. The staff member presumably had heard enough of these stories and quit on the spot, never to venture into a cinema again.

At least I hope that is what happened as he never showed up to do anything about the compliant.
This was by no means the worst cinema going experience I have ever had. During Scott Pilgrim, the chap behind me thought that each item of text that appeared on the screen had to be read aloud and followed by howls of laughter “10,000 points, hahaha!” During Avengers I had to contend with two people on opposite sides of the cinema having a heckling contest, much to their own but no-one else’s amusement.

But what is the best way to deal with this?
If you alert staff they will either take no action or, if they do, you inevitably have to deal with the offending party waiting for you outside to confront you for the heinous crime of going to a cinema to watch a film.

My own experience of this was during a screening of Quantum of Solace. I finally lost patience with the two guys in front of me continuing to talk and text despite my requests to stop. I grabbed one by the hair and told him to “shut the f**k up” and this worked nicely until the end of the film, when I realised that the entire row of 15 had all come together and I now had to walk to the same train stop as them. This lead to an interesting confrontation that would eventually require the police to intervene and result in me no longer going to that particular cinema for fear of a repeat altercation.

The best course of action I have ever witnessed was in Australia during Watchmen. A gang of four guys aged around 16-18 had apparently decided that they were not happy with the adaptation of Alan Moore’s work and in protest had begun shining a torch in the faces of various patrons. Unfortunately for them one of their victims was a man who I can only describe as someone who made The Mountain from Game of Thrones look like a gentle slope.

He got up and in one move lifted the offender from his seat turned to the rest of his friends and said menacingly “If you all behave you can have him back at the end”. He then proceeded to carry the guy back to his row where he sat him between him and his girlfriend. I did not see the guy nor his friends so much as clear their throat for the rest of the film.

I have long loved the experience of going to the cinema with audience interaction being a large part of that. There is something magical about a room full of strangers sharing the same experience. The collective gasps when we first saw “bullet time” in The Matrix, the jumps from a horror film that is always followed by nervous laughter. These experiences are getting less and less as time goes by. Smart Phones are the most ironically named items in existence as all they have done is shorten most people’s attention spans and given them another distraction. I am not saying cinema going was perfect before their invention, but beforehand the most you had to worry about was someone talking during the film and that could usually be avoided if you knew not to go to the summer blockbuster in the middle of the day.

Studios and the cinemas themselves have long complained about declining attendances and a rise in piracy.
Their answer to this was the addition of 3D movies which, instead of enhancing the experience, actually takes away from it. The picture is made darker and there is no weight or realism to most of the special effects. Just to top that idea off, they then added as much as €4 extra for the privilege of seeing the film in a lesser format!!

The rise of Netflix has proven that, given a legal streaming option, people don’t mind paying in order to view films in the comfort of their own home. My personal eureka moment was when I returned home and went to put my keys on the table, the receipt from the cinema fell out of my pocket and I noticed that this debacle, as well as being a waste of my time, had cost me over €40($55). My mind immediately went to what else I could have done with that money: five months of unlimited movies and TV on Netflix, 40 bottles of beer so I could have drank until the memory of today’s events faded from my consciousness forever.

I would go the cinema on average twice a week but now relieved of that burden it means I will have an extra €4,000 in my pocket a year. More than enough for a nice home cinema with a strict “no phones allowed policy” and definitely no 3D.

Is Batman Begins Actually The Best Of Chris Nolan’s Trilogy?

 
Batman Begins is the 6th most successful Batman movie (adjusted for inflation) of all time, taking in almost $100 million less than the neon nightmare that was Batman Forever. Katie Holmes has a starring role, the Full Monty guy is a mob boss, an origin story (zzzzz), and a superhero movie where we don’t see the hero much in costume until the final third of the movie. Despite this, Batman Begins stands tall at the summit of Nolan’s trilogy.

Firstly, the billion dollar elephant in the room, The Dark Knight. Without a doubt the most iconic moments of the franchise reboot belongs to Heath Ledger’s stunning turn as The Joker; his performance is flawless. At no point, even after repeat viewings, does it feel like you are watching the same man who came to the public forefront with his quiet reserve and simmering frustration in Brokeback Mountain (or singing “I Love You Baby” in 10 Things I Hate About You, for that matter). However, Ledger’s clown prince of crime aside, The Dark Knight is an uneven piece of work.
Stunning set pieces mask gaping plot holes. Every cell phone in Gotham as a camera!? Harvey goes full evil…why, exactly? The Harvey Dent Two-Face character is one of the most complex and tragic in the Batman mythology, handled to heartbreaking effect in the animated series, yet created and disposed of here in a matter of minutes.

The final confrontation between Batman and the Joker does not feel like the confrontation between the world’s most popular hero and villain combo; a bastardised version of The Killing Joke, involving boats followed by a 10 second fight involving dogs, is hardly the way to resolve the conflict between these two greats. Don’t get me wrong, I am not asking for 40 minute Man of Steel levels of wanton destruction, but I feel these two colossi of comics deserved more gravitas.

From the outset of Begins, it plays with a confidence and patience in its storytelling that is missing from the sequels. Characters talk to each other in conversations for more than just exposition. Ducard’s and Bruce’s conversations and confrontations in the mountains give depth to characters that in most other superhero movies would be dispatched with a 2 minute training montage (ahem, Green Lantern).
As a result of this, when Batman finally does begin, we care about the man under the cowl and see him as a vulnerable human being, as opposed to an indestructible superhero.

The fight scenes, which were heavily criticized for being too shaky and incomprehensible, fail to see the crux of the Batman. He is a myth, or to paraphrase Keyser Soze, “A spook story criminals tell each other. Be careful or the Batman will get ya.” He is a normal human being who must live in the shadows in order to strike fear and intimation into men not used to being afraid or intimated.

He tells Alfred, “as a man he can be ignored, but as a symbol he can be everlasting.” This can be seen in full effect during Batman’s introduction to Gotham. He breaks up Falcone’s drug ring at the docks in a scene that would not look out of place in a horror movie. It involves half glimpses, eerie whispers and lights being shattered in a set piece that would have tickled Hitchcock.

The casting of Bale was a master stroke, especially given the names considered before he got the part, such as Joshua Jackson and Ashton Kutcher. He is the first actor to play a superhero as a role and not a “comic book role.” He throws himself into the part of both Bruce Wayne and Batman with an equal mix of intensity and vulnerability (also with a restraint he had all but abandoned by The Dark Knight Rises), a man of ferocity but also at his core a man who was terrified as a boy and never fully recovered.

Many writers and readers alike say that Bruce Wayne died in Crime Alley with his parents, but this film dares to say the opposite; he was born there. Would he have grown up an entitled rich kid? Considering his parents’ moral character and their determination to help Gotham’s less privileged citizens, probably not. There is no doubt that he would not have become such a powerful force for justice in Gotham had he not been so painfully on the receiving end of his own injustice.

Bale is not alone in taking a straight-faced sincerity to what traditionally had been a genre with one eye on the material and one eye winking at the camera. Gary Oldman is not the first name to come to mind if you were looking for an incorruptible beacon of hope surrounded by a police force more worried about putting their hands out then putting hands in cuffs.

However, Oldman is a revelation, and in a career where he has constantly reinvented himself, he adds another string to his bow here by bringing a sure sensitivity mixed with unbridled heroism; a man who is both not afraid to confront Batman, but also to accept he is necessary. The final scene on the rooftop is a perfect example, as he scolds and thanks Batman within a matter of seconds and with a sincerity that convinces the viewer he means both equally.

The film hits a series high in both storyline and dialogue. The origins of everything, from the suit to the Batmobile, are handled perfectly with all the style and emotional resonance of a great filmmaker hitting his stride.

The characters are presented as a whole, and each decision they make is in keeping with the tone, something that cannot be said of the later films; Batman head-scratchingly disappearing for 8 years because he is sad, or Alfred and Bruce abandoning a seemingly unbreakable bond so easily.

Here, Batman is forced to rely on his wits to evolve as opposed to the fantastical Bond-like technology of the later movies. We also see glimpses of the man Ra’s al Ghul simply referred to as “Detective,” along with methods and a storyline more grounded in realism then any that came after it. There are no fantastic flying machines whisking nuclear bombs away or cities cut off from the rest of the world.

Here, Batman has to confront a threat right on his doorstep. Comic book purists will argue that the books contain a batwing and the No Man’s Land story showed a Gotham siphoned off from the rest of humanity. This is true, however in Begins, Nolan understands his medium perfectly – what works on a comic page doesn’t necessarily work on a cinema screen (do you really want to see Bat-Mite on screen? Well, actually kinda, now that I say it).

The film is definitely one of the most earnest superhero movie ever made, yet it does not do so at the expense of both fun and spectacle. It straddles the line between both perfectly. Yes, The Avengers was bombastic fun, but did you take any of it seriously? On the flip side, Man of Steel was almost sterile in its tone, with no element of fun.

The tone of Begins hits it out of the park, mixing exciting set pieces, like the heart racing rescue of Rachel from Arkham, with the heart-breaking and uplifting moment were a bloodied and almost beaten Bruce Wayne is literally watching his life come crashing down around him, and is set right by Michael Caine’s wonderful Alfred with four simple words “Why do we fall?”. These words could be the mantra for the Batman franchise after watching it crash and burn so badly with the execrable Batman and Robin.

However, without that spectacular failure, the landscape of comic book movies would look very different. This was the film that made people realise that superhero movies could be simply great movies as opposed to great comic book movies.

Would names like Shane Black and Kenneth Branagh have helmed comic book adaptations had Nolan not shown they can be used to enhance your credibility, not damage it? As Christopher Reeve found, it’s impossible to escape from the shadow of Superman’s cape, to be seen as anything other than the last son of Krypton, yet the genre has now come full circle, with superhero roles becoming some of the hottest and most sought after by some of the biggest and most respected names in Hollywood.

Batman Begins was the blue touch paper that sparked the modern comic book revolution into life and into mainstream credibility, something that seemed unimaginable after Schumacher’s nipple-sporting Knight. As Batman Begins teaches us, “we fall so that we can learn to pick ourselves up.”

The 5 Best Moments In Premier League History

Since its inception in 1992, the Premier League has provided countless moments of brilliance, drama and madness. No matter who you support, once they reach the coliseum of Premiership competition, your team is promised to have at least one unforgettable moment. No matter how much Hull fans will want to block out Phil Browns half time team talk or similarly the Norwich support will cringe at the memory of a sozzled Delia Smith screaming “Let’s be having you”.

There have been scenes of sheer jaw-dropping skill like Dennis Bergkamp’s pirouette to score against Newcastle or Tony Yeboah’s near-launching of the Liverpool net into orbit; from Matt Le Tissier routinely kidnapping the Goal of the Month competition for his own personal highlight reel to the predatory talents of Robbie Fowler, the league has not been short of great goal scorers nor scorers of great goals.

We’ve borne witness to the origins of world class players as they took their first steps onto the big stage: A raw Cristiano Ronaldo performing multiple step-over’s to dazzle a bemused Bolton defence, a 16 year old Wayne Rooney who was not yet old enough to put pen to a professional contract but who, evidently, was old enough to end Arsenal’s 30 game unbeaten run.

There have been moments of head-scratching madness; teammates Kieron Dyer and Lee Bowyer trading punches. Paolo Di Canio floored us with unapologetic sportsmanship by refusing to score against Everton while their keeper lay injured on the deck, whilst equally flooring referee Paul Alcock by shoving him to the ground (even if the referee did fall with the grace of a baby horse taking its first steps). Also who could ever forget Eric Cantona launching himself into the crowd to confront an abusive fan, certainly not the Frenchman who memorably commented that the incident was the highpoint of his Old Trafford career.

The good however has certainly outweighed the bad and the ugly. For all its tribalism, football fans can appreciate the audacious moments of brilliance like Beckham’s halfway-line goal. Whomever’s team-crest adorned your chest, it’s is hard not to get swept up in the excitement of moments like Middlesbrough bringing the samba vibe to Tyneside with the signings of Ravanelli, Juninho and Emerson, the sight of Jurgen Klinsmann diving towards the Spurs fans in celebration, Newcastle launching a 4 goal second-half comeback against Arsenal or even Alan Hansen’s famous comment “You can’t win anything with Kids”. Excluding “They think it’s all over,” has a piece of commentary been seeped into the collective conscious?

Now into its 21st year, mighty teams have been knocked from their perches, or had those perches taken from them entirely, as clubs have gone from Champions to Championship. With both ends of the table getting tighter all the time, it’s not hard to believe that the league’s best days are still ahead of both itself and us. For now at least, the league’s legacy has given us more than enough exquisite moments for us to share. Choosing only five is as horrifically difficult as it is inspiring. Enjoy.

5. Abramovich Arrives

On Wednesday 2 July 2003, Henmania was in full swing rolling towards the Wimbledon quarter-final and the world’s most famous footballer David Beckham had signed for Real Madrid, both stories were to fall under the shadow of an unknown Russian billionaire. Roman Abramovich had purchased the club from Chairman Ken Bates for £60 million which was a significant step up from the single pound that Bates had purchased the club for. The club had qualified for the Champions League which was revealed to be the reason he chose to purchase the club ahead of Liverpool and Spurs after his initial enquires at Manchester United were rebuffed. Abramovich’s arrival was greeted with skepticism with many fans shocked that Bates who was considered to be “Mr. Chelsea” would part with the club; sports minister Tony Banks was also sceptical commenting that “I want to know whether this individual is a fit and proper person to be taking over a club like Chelsea. Until that question is answered, then I’m afraid the jury is out.” Chelsea fans were worried there would be a repeat of the infamous Micheal Knighton incident (Knighton had a takeover bid of Manchester United accepted and had even gone as far as appearing on the pitch at Old Trafford before a game dressed in a full Manchester United football kit to publicize the takeover before the bid was revealed to be bogus)

The Russian would soon put fans minds to rest as he quickly began spending money like someone who’d just found the unlimited money cheat on the Football Manager video game. Arjen Robben, Peter Cech, Claude Makelele, Juan Veron, Damien Duff and Hernan Crespo were just some of the player purchased in what would be a spending spree in excess of £150 million. Abramovich would also attempt to prize Alex Ferguson away from Manchester United and would offer Arsenal a blank cheque in order to try and secure Patrick Vieira and Thierry Henry. The Premier League had seen big spending Chairmen before. Blackburn owner Jack Walker was accused of buying them the title and Arsene Wegner had long lamented Manchester United’s transfer prowess, but there was nothing on this scale. The enigmatic owner was not one for press statements or interviews which only added to the air of mystery and excitement that was building around the club.

Chelsea finished their first season after the takeover in second place in the Premiership, up from fourth the previous year. They also reached the semi-finals of the Champions League, which was eventually won by the surprise package of Porto, managed by Jose Mourinho. Mourinho was brought in for Abramovich’s second season and the self proclaimed “Special one” would have an immediate impact finishing his first season in charge as champions with a record point’s haul and having been defeated just once all season. They would retain the title the following year but cracks were beginning to show in the relationship between owner and manager as Abramovich voiced his displeasure at not making progress towards his holy grail of winning the Champions League. The owner had reportedly fallen in love with the competition after watching the Manchester United/Real Madrid match featuring a memorable Ronaldo (the one you haven’t seen in his pants) hat trick. Chelsea would finish 2nd in the 2006 season and again would fall short in the Champions League. At the start of the 2007 season after spending £30 million obtaining Andriy Shevchenko from Milan against his managers wishes, Mourinho (who would ironically go on the win the Champions League the following season with Inter) would leave the club to be replaced with the little-known Avram Grant.

Grants arrival and subsequent dismissal would start the managerial merry go round at Chelsea which is currently still in full flow with Luiz Felipe Scolari, Guus Hiddink, Carlo Ancelotti, André Villas-Boas, Roberto Di Matteo and Rafael Benítez all taking turns with varying degrees of success. This season Abramovich seemed to finally run out of coaches he could hire and fire and has ended up back at the start with Jose Mourinho returning to the Chelsea hot seat.

Abramovich has changed the face of football forever by ushering in a new era of so-called “financial doping” with Manchester City and PSG also enjoying the rewards that a sugar daddy owner can bring. Whatever your opinion of the Russian loading the deck, his intentions seemed to be powered by establishing the club as a force both home and abroad rather than looking to use the club as his own personal piggy bank which is in stark contrast to the situation Liverpool and Manchester United now find themselves in. The implementation of Financial Fair play has tempered Chelsea’s more extravagant spending with the onus being placed on establishing players as opposed to purchasing them, much to Mourinho’s chagrin and owner and manger look set to be headed for another collision course. If there is one thing we have learned from Abramovich’s 10 years in Chelsea it’s that if you go up against him both on and off the pitch, you tend to come off second best.

4. Arsenal Invincible’s

“It’s not impossible as AC Milan once did it but I can’t see why it’s so shocking to say it. Do you think Manchester United, Liverpool or Chelsea don’t dream that as well? They’re exactly the same. They just don’t say it because they’re scared to look ridiculous, but nobody is ridiculous in this job as we know anything can happen.” Arsene Wenger, May 2002

As Manchester United celebrated beating Arsenal to the title at the end of the 02/03 season, a large number of United fans were seen sporting t-shirts adorned with an image of Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger face with the quote “Comical Wenger: “We Won’t Lose A Game”. Wenger’s words were from the start of the season when he stated his belief that Arsenal could go the entire season unbeaten. The bold statement was considered to be as fanciful as something conjured up by Iraqi spin-doctor ‘Comical Ali’, who famously announced that American troops were not in Baghdad when US tanks could be seen behind him, then a realistic statement of intent.

Before the start of the season local rivals Chelsea had been purchased by Russian Billionaire Roman Abramovich and had reportedly offered Arsenal a black cheque in order to secure the services of Thierry Henry and Patrick Vieira leading Arsenal chairman David Dein to comment that Abramovich had “parked his Russian tanks on our lawn and is firing £50 notes at us”

Arsenal began their season defeated via penalties in the Charity Shield to Manchester United. Many speculated that, due to the recent Confederations Cup the large French contingent at the club did not look match-fit and predicted a difficult start to Arsenals season. With 25 minutes gone in their opening fixture against Everton the Gunners found themselves reduced to 10 men as Sol Campbell was given a straight red for a professional foul. Despite the numerical disadvantage Arsenal would finish the game 2-1 winners. They would follow this up with 3 straight victories before facing Harry Redknapp’s Portsmouth at home. Teddy Sheringham put the visitors into a deserved lead but before half time Robert Pires flung himself to the ground in the box, Henry equalized with the retaken spot kick after the initial attempt had been ruled out for encroachment. Arsenal were criticized after the game for “looking like a team stuck in 2nd gear”.

Next up would be a trip to Old Trafford to face Manchester United, meetings between the two had often been bad-tempered affairs with the infamous 1990 clash erupting into a 20 man brawl resulting in both teams having points deducted. On a day that would become known as “The Battle Of Old Trafford” both teams seemed more interested in kicking each other than the ball. In the 80th minute Patrick Vieira was given a second yellow for attempting to kick out at Ruud van Nistelrooy, the Dutchman was to play another major part in the game as United were awarded a penalty in injury time. With the score at 0-0 Van Nistelrooy (who had missed his previous two penalties) stepped up looking to end Arsenals unbeaten start with the last kick of the game. Instead he smashed the ball against the bar and as the final whistle blew he suddenly found himself surrounded by several Arsenal players with Keown taking particular delight in the striker’s misery. Six of Arsenal’s players (Ashley Cole, Lauren, Keown, Parlour, Lehmann, Vieira) were charged with improper conduct; the club were later fined £175,000, the largest ever handed down to a club by the FA. Lauren received a four-game ban, whereas Vieira and Parlour were given a one match suspension.

Rather than derail their season, the incident at Old Trafford seemed to galvanize the team. The new reassuring sense of cohesion demonstrated itself against Liverpool at Anfield two weeks later when the gunners went behind after 11 minutes. An iron-backbone emerged, one that had been missing the previous season. Arsenal were now not only playing great football they were matching and bettering their opponents physically. The fight back was complete when Pires scored to give Arsenal a 2-1 victory. The following week they would defeat league leaders Chelsea who would then surrender their position at the summit to Arsene Wenger’s men the following week after an Henry equalizer gave them a 1-1 draw with Charlton.

With the fearsome frontline of Henry, Piries, Bergkamp and Ljungberg, Aresnal would find themselves top of the league when they visited Chelsea in February. This was seen as one of the biggest clashes of the season with the blues trying the peg the Gunners lead back to a single point. This looked a likely outcome when Eidur Gudjohnsen put Chelsea ahead after just 27 seconds But Arsenal’s new found steel remained and they drew level through a superbly-worked Vieira strike in the 15th minute. Edu hooked in the winner just six minutes later as the Gunners claimed another from-behind win against their title rivals to send them 7 points clear at the top of the Premiership.

After exits from both the FA Cup and the Champions League in the space of but a week, Arsenal faced Liverpool on Good Friday at Highbury. At half time, Liverpool led 2-1 and nervous minds around Highbury began to fill with memories of last season’s slump which ruined Arsenal’s title defence. But cometh the hour cometh the man. Arsenals talisman Henry fired in a simply magnificent hat trick, his second goal especially was a moment of pure genius with Liverpool boss Gerard Houllier calling the performance “stunning”.

33 years prior Arsenal were crowned champions at the home of their great London rivals Tottenham, and on the 25th of April they travelled to White Hart Lane with the opportunity to repeat history. Having taken a two goal lead Arsenal were cruising but Spurs spurred themselves (It’s late here okay. Lay off…) to draw themselves level but no matter how hard they pressed they were unable to stop themselves from becoming unwilling hosts of Arsenals victory party.

With four games left to play, Arsenal drew uneventful games with Portsmouth and Birmingham and defeated Fulham. On the final day of the season Arsenal hosted Leicester City who took a surprise lead and it looked like Preston North End’s record of over 100 years was going to be kept intact. Arsenal steadied themselves in the second half and an Henry penalty followed by a Vieira winner ensured that Wenger’s troops would not fall at the last but would instead march into immortality. During the celebrations at the end of the match a fan threw Wegner one of the T-Shirts which read ‘Comical Wenger says we can go the whole season unbeaten.’ Wegner had again been proved ahead of his time.

3. Liverpool 4-3 Newcastle

There have been both higher scoring and more important matches in the Premiership but none come close to the sheer action-packed rollercoaster ride that took place in Anfield on the 3rd of April 1996. Whilst Manchester United may have been the biggest success since the Premierships inception, no team is remembered as fondly by fans of all teams than the great entertainers who comprised what seemed to be everyone’s “second team” pick: Keegan’s Newcastle team. The flair of marquee names like Ginola and Asprilla were complimented by the British contingent of Sir Les of Ferdinand, Peter Beardsley, Steve “Howey the Lad” and Rob Lee, who might just be be the most underrated player of the premiership era. Liverpool, Jason McAteer aside, boasted a side comprised of all England internationals. In fact, between the 22 starters 17 were English a statistic that would be an anomaly in the current Premier League era. The Spice Boys had shot Liverpool to 3rd in the table. They had proven themselves as the league’s highest scorers and the week previous had just secured them an F.A Cup final date.

In the run up to the game, Newcastle had thrown away a 12 point lead over Manchester United and now trailed by 3 points, though they had two games in hand. Their recent form had seen them lose 3 of their previous 5 matches. Liverpool by contrast had just seen a 21 game unbeaten streak ended the by Nottingham Forrest which derailed their own title challenge and now left them 8 points from the top.

The tone for the match was set early as Robbie Fowler put Liverpool into the lead with just 2 minutes of the match gone. Liverpool were then hit with a one-two sucker punch: first Les Ferdinand equalized before then turning provider, setting up Ginola to give the Toon Army a 2-1 lead going into half time. Liverpool started the brighter in the second half and with 55mins gone they equalized, Fowler again getting the goal. Liverpool would only be on level pegging for 2 minutes as Asprilla put Newcastle again in front and back atop the league.

Newcastle were now in the ascendancy and there was a feeling that this would be the moment they got their season back on track, Ginola just failing to reach Ferdinand with a simple pass which would have put the game out of Liverpool’s reach. The let off seemed to kick Liverpool back to life and a teasing McAteer cross caught the Newcastle rear guard out and record-signing Stan Collymore was able to score, again drawing Liverpool level. With the 90 minutes up and the referee readying his whistle (this, in the days before the 4th official would announce any time added on) the tension and excitement was palpable. The two icons of the Kop, John Barnes and Ian Rush, played a number of one-twos outside the Newcastle box before Barnes spotted Collymores run, played him in; he shot mercilessly past Pavel Srnicek into the Newcastle goal. Anfield erupted as Collymore reeled away in celebration. Keegan could only bring himself to slump dejectedly over the advertising hoarding. Some say that if you pause it and watch it in slow motion, you can see the actual moment Keegan’s heart breaks.

 Newcastle’s season would only continue to unravel. Losing to Blackburn and then after a victory at Leeds, Keegan (seemingly channelling his WWE side) gave his now infamous “I will love it if we beat them” interview. The sound byte is memorable to most, but was made particularly so to me: I was watching it whilst sat right next to Newcastle fan who leapt to his feet, waving his arms proclaiming “That’s exactly how I feel!” As his words still rang in my ears, he almost immediately dropped the TV remote. It crashed right through the glass coffee-table. I couldn’t think then, nor can I now, of a more perfect way to sum up Newcastle’s season: passion, excitement and shameless drive… quickly followed by self-destruction.

David Ginola commented in a recent interview; he believed that had the match stayed 3-2 Newcastle “would have won the league. Definitely”. Amazingly the following meeting between the two would also end 4-3 with Fowler this time providing the injury-time winner. Keegan would resign at the end of the season. He, having being asked to take a less kamikaze approach, remarked “If we stop playing this way, I go”. He would perhaps have done better to pay heed to his opposite number. Roy Evans advised: “Managers would be dead within six months if every game was like that”. Who could have argued with Roy? but 6 months of games like this would be a hell of a way to go.

2. Manchester United’s Win Their First Premier League Title

The Premier League kicked off for the first time on 15 August 1992; The 22-team league had taken the radical step of breaking away from the football league to form the “FA Premier League”. This would effectively end the 104 year reign of the football league and would mean that the Premier League would operate separately to the now 3 divisions of the football league. This was facilitated by the 5-year, £300 million plus deal that BSkyB had signed to broadcast live matches. The fee was called “vulgar” by Sebastian Coe who questioned the wisdom of essentially making some of sports largest events unavailable to the majority of non-satellite viewers (I wonder what he would make of the current £1.7 billion TV deal). This was seen as the dawning of a new age. Now instead of live games being shown sporadically and relying on Match of The Day in order to see any football, this deal would ensure weekly live games. ITV, who had long been considered the front runner to take the rights, ended up with nothing as BBC partnered with Sky in order to revive their Match of the Day programme. A deal with a brewer was rejected and so the prospect of the “Bass Premier League” never fully fermented (Sorry) and instead the inaugural campaign would be called the ‘F.A Premier League’.

Arsenal under George Graham would begin the season as favourites whilst Sheffield Wednesday, Manchester United and defending champions Leeds were also expected to feature in the running. The league’s first goal would be scored by Brian Deane of Sheffield United who recorded a 2-1 win over Manchester United. United themselves would start their campaign with two defeats and a draw before earning their first win in the Premier League with a 1-0 victory over Southampton, new signing Dion Dublin getting the winner. The reds would go on to win the next four games. But then, disaster struck: First Lee Sharpe was ruled out for several months with meningitis and then Dublin broke his leg in a game against Crystal Palace. United would endure a gauntlet of 5 draws and two defeats, followed by exits in both the UEFA and League Cups, firstly to Wimbledon and then to Aston Villa who were themselves establishing a position as serious title contenders.

 With his team now languishing in 10th, manager Alex Ferguson was under pressure to turn the season around. Having had a £3 million bid for Sheffield Wednesday striker David Hirst rejected, through sheer happenstance Ferguson happened to be in Chairmen Martin Edwards office when Leeds United called, offering a bid for Dennis Irwin. Ferguson would reject the Irwin bid but inquired about the availability of Eric Cantona. When Leeds manager Howard Wilkinson asked for 5 minutes to think about it the United manager told his chairman: “We’ve got him. You don’t decide in 5 minutes if you are going to sell Eric Cantona”.

With the arrival of the Frenchman, United would go undefeated in the next 10 games, rocketing up the table. Leaders Arsenal fell to 8th and Norwich took the lead in the title race. United visited Liverpool who were only 3 points above the relegation zone. With a 2-1 win United finally found themselves with a view from the top of league. Liverpool eventually recovered to earn 6th. United’s joy was short lived though as a four game winless streak saw them hand the initiative to Norwich and Aston Villa as the reds fell to third.

United would bounce back from this slump to effectively end Norwich’s title hopes by defeating the Canaries 3-1 at Carrow Rd. The Red Devils then hosted Sheffield Wednesday, the stakes: a chance to return to the top. Things did not go to plan. Waddle was hewn down by Ince, giving Wednesday a penalty which was coolly dispatched by John Sheridan. It looked like United were doomed to repeat history, visions of their previous season collapse came calling.

With 85 minutes gone, Dennis Irwin’s corner was met staunchly by Steve Bruce. Running away from the ball at the edge of the box, he was somehow able to turn his head to launch the ball into the top corner to draw the sides level. With 96 minutes on the clock United pressed forward in search of a crucial winner. It was then, in what may be the very origins of “Fergie Time” that Gary Pallister took up the ball and swung a cross into the box which the Wednesday defence didn’t manage to clear. The ball found itself teed up for the onrushing Bruce to beat Chris Woods with a bullet header and send Old Trafford into a joyous, deafening cacophony.

Ferguson and his assistant Brian Kidd rushed the pitch, jumping for joy. Although United would not secure the title (and those ridiculous mini trophies) for almost another month, with Villa being beaten by Oldham, this match was seen as the genesis of an honest belief that a 26 year wait was coming to an end. United would receive the trophy at Old Trafford after a 3-1 victory over Blackburn Rovers with Garry Pallister (who had himself been the only United outfield player not to score that season) memorably blasting home a free kick. United and Alex Ferguson would go on to dominate the landscape of English football for the next 20 years with unprecedented success. This first trophy ensured that the new generation of United fans would have a whole lot more to celebrate than the previous one.

1. City Seal It With A Kick

 It couldn’t be anything else, as a United fan I wish to god there was. There have been last day dramas before; Blackburn doing everything they could to lose the league while Andy Cole was forgot how his feet worked. Still, nothing can ever compare to seeing the league decided by the last kick of the season. A deceptively-firm grip on the title had been traded back and forth all season between the two Manchester clubs. Both had seemingly sewn it up before letting the other back in to the race. United looked as though they had secured the title with a 8 point lead going into the final weeks with even Roberto Mancini conceding that the title was heading for United. However, just as they’d witnessed so many of their opponents do before, United would buckle under the pressure: defeats to City and Wigan in addition to the heartbreaking loss of a two-goal lead to Everton in that game’s final moments had gifted control right back to their blue “noisy neighbours”.

 Going into the last day, all that was asked of City was to beat relegation-threatened QPR and a league title, their first in 44 years, was theirs. With their FA Cup triumph the season before they had torn down the banner at Old Trafford, pointing out their 35 years without a major trophy now they were ready to rip the title from United’s grasp. Having spent only 20 mins at the Stadium of Light, United took the lead through Wayne Rooney, taking the top of the table by two points. A nervy looking City at an eerily silent Eithad stadium were struggling to break down QPR, who themselves were seeking a win in order to secure their premier league survival. Just before half time Pablo Zabaleta put City ahead to send them top on goal difference and it looked as though the script would be followed as expected.

 Just after the break United would find help in an unlikely ally: former Liverpool striker Djibril Cisse equalised to see United back atop the Premier League summit. With just over 20 minutes left, Joey Barton had evidently decided that the evenings events were not dramatic enough and so, with no one around to google ‘Nietzsche peace quotes’ for him, he reverted to type in a series of chaotic exchange: Firstly by clashing with Tevez, secondly by kicking Augero, thirdly by head-butting Kompany (who, rather brilliantly, said the reason he didn’t go down was because it “didn’t hurt”. Note to self: don’t ever mess with Kompany) and then fourthly by collecting a red-card but not before wisely backing down from the monstrous Belgian.

With QPR down to 10 men and City laying siege to their goal, it looked like it was only a matter of time before they broke through. Amazingly, it would in fact be QPR who struck next with Jamie Mackie putting the Londoners ahead. As it reached the 90th minute at Sunderland, United fans and players were starting to get excited that the impossible might come to pass. Meanwhile: Stoke had drawn with Bolton meaning that regardless of the result QPR would stay up. In the 92nd minute, substitute Edin Dzeko equalised, throwing City a lifeline. With 95 minutes gone the mercurial Mario Balotelli played in the Argentine. To the now iconic sound of Martin Tyler screaming “Agueroooo”, he rifled the ball past Paddy Kenny to send City fans hearts soaring, whilst breaking United’s.

By now, over in Tyneside, word has mistakenly reached the players that the game has ended 2-2 with Phil Jones starting to celebrate only to have his happiness snatched away in a matter of seconds. City failed to build on their championship-breaking hoodoo by finishing well behind United the following season and being dumped from the Champions League in the group stages, ultimately costing Mancini his job. With Sheikh Mansour pouring close to a billion pounds into the club, City fans will no doubt argue that the moment they saw the ball ripple the net, giving them their first league title in 44 years whilst simultaneously crushing their bitterest rivals, was one of their most priceless.